The Excellent wife - A Wife's Understanding of Marriage

God's goal for the Christian husband and wife is to have oneness that is characterized by a loving, spiritual and physical bond that glorifies God and enhances personal growth.
{Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. - Genesis 2:24

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. - Ephesians 5:22-33

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. - Galatians 6:1

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. - Hebrews 13:4}

Oneness in marriage and spiritual growth are achieved by each partner helping the other become as much like the Lord as possible.

Four ways to achieve the goal of oneness and spiritual growth are to 1. make your marriage a matter of faithful prayer; 2. commit to a biblical course of action; 3. take personal responsibility for your own failures and repent; and 4. submit to and participate in the process of mutual sanctification.

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. - Matthew 7:3-5 - according to these verses, I should consider and remove the sin from my own life before confronting my husband about his sins.

Two ways God shows you your sin is by conviction when reading His Word and someone pointing them out to you.

 

You can respond two ways when someone tells you they believe there is a sin problem in your life, one is to get angry and defensive, the other is to thank them, pray, repent and leave it at the cross.

Mutual sanctification is when the husband, being the spiritual leader, helps the wife grow and mature as a Christian and the wife, being his help meet, is helping her husband grow and mature as a Christian.

{Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. - I Peter 3:7

And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. - Genesis 2:18}

 

Your responsibility and God's responsibility in the process of progressive sanctification -

Me	God
Grow in grace and knowledge of Christ	Convict me of my sins
Pursue love	Disciplines me
Set my mind on things of Christ	Enables me to be like Christ
Flee immorality	Molds me into the image of Christ
Discipline myself

 

Ways God helps us become more like Christ -

Testing or Pressures	Scripture References	Potential Character Qualities
Getting along with your husband	Ephesians 4:1-3 Philippians 4:2,3	Humility, forbearance, love, diligence, patience, living in harmony
Suffering for the Lord's sake	I Peter 4:12,13	Joy, gratefulness, deeper trust in God
Other's sin	I Peter 3:8,9	Harmoniousness, sympathy, brotherliness, kindheartedness, humility
Financial pressures	Philippians 4:11,12	Contentment
Daily work	Colossians 3:23 I Thessalonians 4:11,12	Working heartily from the heart; behaving properly, financially responsible
Illness (due to sin)	James 5:14,15	Repentance
Trials (temptations, testings)	James 1:2,3,12	Joy, endurance
Providentially hindered	James 4:13-16	Mindful of God's sovereignty
Death of a loved one	I Thessalonians 4:13-18	Hopeful in the Lord
Bearing other's burdens	Galatians 6:2	Love
Admonished by others	Romans 15:14 I Thessalonians 5:14 Colossians 1:28,29 Colossians 3:16	Perseverance, patience, wisdom, diligence, gratefulness, humility

 

Biblical reproof is telling someone what they are doing wrong with the intent to restore them to a right relationship with God.

There are six right ways to respond to reproof -

1. Think about what you've been told
2. Search Scripture to determine the sin and how to 'put it off'
3. Ask your husband to give examples of how you could better respond to his reproof
4. Confess your sin
5. Show the fruit of repentance - stop doing the sin and replace it with the good fruit
6. Do not justify or defend yourself

Some of the benefits of responding right to reproof would be being prudent, being honored, or honorable, being wise and among those who are wise, acquiring understanding.

 

Guidelines for reproving your husband -

Choose the right time (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7)

Choose the right wording (Proverbs 15:28)

Comfort him as you correct him (Revelation 2:2-3)

Be specific regarding his sin and offer a biblical solution (Ephesians 4:25)

Communicate a spirit of unconditional love (Romans 5:8)

You can know that you are receiving reproof from your husband sinfully when ..

1. You become angry and lash out at him (Proverbs 13:10)
2. You feel hurt, resentful and unforgiving (Ephesians 4:31-31)
3. You focus on the things he does wrong (Matthew 7:5)
4. You suffer intense personal hurt (Hebrews 12:10-11)

Even if your husband reproves you in an angry and unkind manner, you are still responsible to God for how you respond back. Any reproof can be humiliating and make you feel bad, but do not add to your personal hurt by reacting sinfully.

 

Memory Verse - Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction; but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured - Proverbs 13:18

 

Scripture Writing for this Chapter

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considereth not the beam that is in thine own eye? - Matthew 7:3

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye. Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye? - Matthew 7:4-5

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. - Hebrews 4:12

Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. - Proverbs 27:5-6

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; - Ephesians 5:25

Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. - Proverbs 13:10

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. - Proverbs 16:18

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. - Genesis 2:18

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. - I Peter 3:7

But we are bound to give thanks alway to God for you, brethren beloved of the Lord, because God hath from the beginning chosen you to salvation through sanctification of the Spirit and belief of the truth: - II Thessalonians 2:13

Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, - Jude 24

For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness, those that were clean escaped from them who live in error. - II Peter 2:18

Follow after charity, and desire spiritual gifts, but rather that ye may prophesy. - I Corinthians 14:1

So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. - Romans 8:8

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. - I Corinthians 6:18

But refuse profane and old wives' fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness. - I Timothy 4:7

Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. - Matthew 18:15

Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. - Galatians 6:1

The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things. - Proverbs 15:28

That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. - Ephesians 4:22-24

The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit. - Proverbs 14:8

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness - I John 1:9

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. - Hebrews 12:11

I will bear the indignation of the LORD, because I have sinned against him, until he plead my cause, and execute judgment for me: he will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold his righteousness. - Micha 7:9

A fool despiseth his father's instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent. - Proverbs 15:5

Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured. - Proverbs 13:18   

The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. - Proverbs 15:31

He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. - Proverbs 15:32

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. - Proverbs 27:6-7

I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. - John 15:1-2

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; - Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things. - Proverbs 15:28

I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted. - Revelation 2:2-3

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:18

Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. - Ephesians 4:25

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. - Philippians 4:6

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. - James 1:19-20

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us - Romans 5:8

Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; - I Corinthians 13:6

Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. - Proverbs 13:10

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:31-32

For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. - Hebrews 12:10

Jenn